Memory and Meaning

 

                                              
                                              Warren Barber Kertland: May 20, 1953 - March 10, 2011

It's been six months since my identical twin sister Warren died, and ten years since the 9/11 attacks. Without diminishing the macrocosmic significance of the terrible events of a decade ago, I choose to mourn my sister as a stand-in for those who perished that awful day. The photos here are from her wedding ceremony in 1989 when she was several months pregnant with her second child. Her husband David had promised to marry her when she was one year clean and sober, so their wedding represented a lot more than their commitment to each other and their children; it symbolized the boundless optimism and support offered her during her ongoing struggles by all of us who loved her.

She battled most of our lives, from the time we were eleven years old, to free herself from the shackles of one addiction after another. She fought and won, and fought and won, and fought and won again. At the end, she was worn down by fighting and finally succumbed, but I will never stop being thankful for her courage, her perseverance, and her two beautiful children, my nephews Jesse and Warren, both of whom have become wonderful young men. My love for my twin and her sons sustains me now and always will.     

                                                 
 

Bless the dead and the dying on this day of sorrow and remembrance, and those of us who remain as well.

                                     No man is an island, entire of itself.
                                     Each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main...
                                     Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.
                                     Therefore, send not to know for whom the bell tolls;
                                     It tolls for thee.

                                      - John Donne, Meditation 17, from "Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions"

                                                  
                        

                                 

Comments

[Leo Weisman]

I knew Warren in boarding school, she was always sweet and kind. Then I saw her at our 25th? reunion and we spoke about her battle with addition, our lives now, family and work. She and I shared a link in that we both work with a psychiatric population. I loved the person she had become and will always think of her that way.

[Perry]

Thank you, Leo. Now I have your memories of my sister to cherish as well as my own.

[Sarah McPhee]

Warren went to Co. Spas School with me. A lovely endlessly cool enigma. I loved her aura. Sorry about her passing. Sarah McPhee

[Robert norman Schwyzer]

Dearest Perry,

Though I am unsure when or where we met, we have.

I knew, and adored Warren, as she deserved being adored. I met your sister in my senior year of boarding school. It seemed such a mature age at the time. She took an interest in me for which I was unprepared, she being from New York, and I a cowhand hick from New Mexico, yet if magic exists, some did.

Warren had a familiar sophistication that my mother had, too. Though I doubt Oedipus had any input, I found Warren intriguing, and novel.

My mother was a twin also, to my Uncle Norm, for whom I carry a middle moniker.

I have been "orphaned" now ten years. Outliving family carries its own load in perspective. I miss my parents dearly, and can say our relations grew from adolescent rockiness to superlative, so I miss them more for that, too. I have my full hand of siblings, and each chose spouses well.

Word has it you recently crossed another birthday date with Warren. Again, it was in August, then December, when my parents were to have been 100. I made each day special in my own way.

Word has it, too that you are to join the Santa Fe reunion of friends from an era. I hope you will, and I will be pleased to make your acquaintance again. Santa Fe is my home and has been two decades now. Its simplicity, and eloquence, makes for a serenity to be cherished anytime "as time goes by..." Please know you will be welcomed, at the festivities, or any whim when the southwest should call.

My email is docrns@hotmail.com, and my cellular telephone number is 505/600-5953. Please think of me as a friend you never got to know well.

May your sister forever be at peace in your heart.

Robby Schwyzer
Santa Fe, America